In the past few years we’ve seen the revival of English history, culture, politics and fashion. Downton Abbey revolutionized how Americans view English society, high tea and secret pikey gay sex. When nancy boy Rupert Murdoch testified before Parliament for wielding his political influence to perpetuate his global media empire, he assured Lord Justice Leveson that he’s “never asked a Prime Minister for anything.” Bollocks. Codswallop. If we’re honest with ourselves, we all know that he asked Margaret Thatcher for at least one hand job. Still, the influence of Great Britain continues to colonize our imaginations. When Kate Middleton (a plebian nonetheless) married Prince William, we all sighed in our collective minds that we too might marry into the English Monarchy, tame Nazi sympathizer Harry, and roll with the queen. While England has rebranded itself from a declining empire into a beacon for style and culture, I wonder when bitchy McQueen will step aside and make way for a new generation.
The great English Empire that colonized much of Africa and the Middle East has been in steady decline for the last 200 years. Decline of Empire usually wields chiseled down soap boxes, a weak economy, and disillusioned citizenry. Yet Great Britain failed to step aside gracefully after losing political influence through the emergence of the US as a superpower in the post WWII and decolonization eras. England has remained the manic pixie cousin who assures us that laying in the street will lead to transcendental awakening. And still, our spirits have not been reawakened or transcended the stuffy, and snobbish collective archetype that Americans have toward the English. Just this month we all looked on as bitchy McQueen celebrated the Diamond Jubilee with about as much jubilation as the instillation of a new garbage disposal.
This leads me to question if the English Monarchy should be overthrown all together. When I think about 18th Century political history (which is mostly when people start talking about their juice cleanses) I am nostalgic for a world where the electorate would not stand for the oppression that accompanies Empire. I look at the French Revolution with longing and celebrate Liberty Leading the People into a blood stained torture den of equality. While Robespierre reigned with terror, he also reminded us that being out of touch with Main Street galvanizes our natural rights within (I’m looking at you Mitt). But Joe the Plummer would not have faired well in revolutionary France as a member of the Committee of Public Safety- he’s likely stapled his hand to his goolies several times as an act of defiance towards intellectualism. Still, this doesn’t mean that English bloaks that busy themselves with biting their thumbs at the Euro-Zone cannot achieve independence from the British Monarchy who is out of touch with its citizenry.
As an American, of course I’m cynical and disillusioned by the political process that favors nepotism and dodgy sound bites. But maybe it’s time for bitchy McQueen to step aside and for someone else to usher in a new generation. Kate Middleton’s civility, generosity, and style repositioned England in the American mind. Just look at Pinterest and you will be assured that Americans know more about Kate’s style then the Magna Carta, Spanish Armada, or Protestant Reformation. Moving forward, perhaps we need a modern answer to Downton Abbey. This would assure the citizenry that the Monarchy is not out of the touch with the people and can lead them into the 21st Century. Heres to hoping slaggy McQueen chivvys along in disgrace after being caught in an elicit affair with the help.